Expectations
Expectation
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/expectation
Merriam-webster.com definition of EXPECTATION:
1. :the act or state of expecting: anticipation; in expectation of what would happen
2. a: something expected: not up to expectations
b: basis for expecting: assurance
c: prospects of inheritance
For as long as I can remember I have always held high expectations for myself and for others in my life. In fact, during moments of inner conflict as well as when in conflict with others, I have justified my harshness due to these expectations. I must admit having high expectations for myself has, more often than not, served me well. However, these same (sometimes unattainable) expectations has wreaked havoc in my life. For those of you that know me and are reading this, I am sure you have some memory, some story, that has you thinking, “Really? You carried high expectations when….(you can fill in the blank)?” I am not saying you are wrong, heck, I probably asked myself the same question before, during and after the event. But I welcome the question because, after all, if I didn’t have “those” moments, I wouldn’t be who I am today nor would I have the experience to pull from within the context of my coaching business. I definitely have lived life and have made some positive decisions, negative decisions, and decisions that were neutral but all which will provide me a story I can tell my grandchildren!!
Examples of when holding high expectations have served me well can be seen in my academic career, my work ethic in my professional career, what I bring to my personal and intimate relationships and the type of mother I strive to be to my children. These expectations have also kept me on the straight and narrow (with some minor and major life hiccups) as well as have kept me in alignment with my morals and values I hold and live by. I may even say expectations have served as a type of protection; whether that be emotional, physical, or psychological protection.
There have been times throughout my life I have failed and have been so devastated by the outcomes of situations that I cannot help but to question the real reason I continue to carry these high expectations. I even question if I am being realistic with them? In the midst of the difficult times and while feeling pain because I received a C or lower in my academic career, when I just do not feel like I have it in me anymore to give 100% in my career, when I wasn’t the best daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, wife, coworker, etc., OR when I feel like I have failed miserably as a mother, I have then adopted the “screw it” mindset and attitude.
When the others in my life haven’t lived up to MY expectations, I have adopted that same “screw it” mindset and attitude. There have been times when I felt jaded in one way or another during my academic and professional career, personal and intimate relationships, or my children made a mistake. These “shortcomings” created frustration, judgments, and perhaps resentments within me and have either ended in me lashing out or avoiding life. In these moments I have made up my mind to do away with the expectations because then I cannot be hurt. I cannot be hurt by someone or something if I don’t attach an expectation to people or things.
It seems this year has brought me to reflect on many beliefs I have carried my entire life. Expectations are one of the many things I have been examining. Asking myself why I have these in the first place? Do they actually serve me, or do they create more harm than good? I will have you know, I don’t have all the answers to my questions. I am still in progress in my own journey. What I do know is that I wouldn’t be where I am today without some sort of expectation. The expectations I have for myself and others provides me some direction to a desired outcome. Having high expectations has provided me safety, motivation, determination, and perseverance. What I have learned thus far in life is that, like with everything else, we do have a choice, we can create our desired and intentional life, we are flexible and adaptable human beings. We can change our perspective when things don’t go the way in which we expected them to. Having expectations are good, whether the outcomes are what we intended or not, it is our choice in how we react to those outcomes. We can choose if we are going to forgive ourselves or others and to let things go. Our reaction to the situation determines if it has a positive, negative or neutral impact on our life.
In closing, I have decided to keep my high expectations. What I will let go of is my unwillingness to see another point of view to a situation, I will let go of the created feeling of frustration, judgments, and resentments towards myself and others. I realize that it really is my reaction to the outcome of my expectation is what I can control. Changing my mindset and attitude to one that is more open and understanding will provide me the personal growth I strive for to continue to live my life with abundance and alignment with my true and authentic self.